The power social media has to connect people is undeniable. Social media makes it quick and easy to reconnect with an old friend or classmate. However, social media is playing an increasing role in causing marital discord and even leading to divorce. Recently, National Public Radio had an interesting piece on the power of social media to drive couples apart.

Social media is driving married couples apart in two key ways. Social media increases the opportunity for infidelity, and it serves to reduce a person’s inhibitions when it comes to approaching another person.

Opportunity:

Opportunity is a major predictor of infidelity. The more opportunity a person has to cheat, the more likely he or she is to cheat. Social media sites like Facebook and Myspace increase opportunity tremendously. While finding someone used to take digging through a phone book, and often an out of town directory, it now takes only minutes, if not seconds, to do a quick search to find an old lover or a new crush.

Reduced Inhibitions:

In the past, if you found a person interesting and wanted to say hello, you would have to either approach the person in person, or make a phone call. Tara Fritsch, a marriage therapist, was interviewed for the NPR story. She explained how social media reduces inhibitions quite well. She said, “Twenty years ago, if you really thought a co-worker was interesting, and later on that evening you thought of them and wanted to say, ‘Hey, how you doing?’ Then you would have to ask yourself, ‘Is it really appropriate to call them at home? What if their spouse answers? What am I thinking about?'”

Social media erodes those mental barriers. Sending a Facebook message, a text or an e-mail can feel quite innocent. But, as we are finding out, things can escalate quite quickly. People who do not intend to have an affair at first can quickly find themselves in one. Research has shown that people communicating in an online environment can often fall for each other within a week. According to Bob Rosenwein of Lehigh University, “When you don’t have nonverbal communication, the likelihood of being able to disclose at a deeper level is greater, because there’s less inhibition. So it’s going to feel like a more intimate relationship.”

Preventing Social Media From Leading to Divorce or Separation:

The NPR story included some great tips from therapists for keeping marriages free from Facebook interference including:

• Share an account or share passwords.
• Trust your instincts; if you feel like you are writing something you would not want your spouse to read, you may be crossing a line.
• If an ex messages or makes a “friend request”, talk it over with your spouse on if you should reply, and how it would make your spouse feel.

Source: National Public Radio: Can Social Media Break Up A Marriage?; Jennifer Ludden, 11/2/2010