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Pop quiz time, Milwaukee: Can you be “too nice” during a divorce?

Thanks for checking back in on our divorce and family law blog. In this day and age, many people in and around Milwaukee are facing very important issues regarding things like divorce, child support, child custody and spousal maintenance. It is important to be informed about these social factors, so hopefully this blog proves to be a useful source to you for information and news relevant to these areas.

A good thing to address in this post might be the desire many of us in Wisconsin have to, if we are going to divorce, be kind and understanding about it. This is certainly a commendable goal because the less acrimony there is in our society, the better off we will all be.

That being said, it is crucial that you understand that amicably divorcing does not mean you will never have to stand up for yourself or that you should feel bad about taking a stand if and when it becomes necessary. You are negotiating with someone whom you once loved and once shared a life with, so sometimes it is hard to be your best advocate.

A good family law attorney, however, will not let you get taken advantage of. A lawyer who has helped clients through divorce before understands it is an emotional time and will respectfully and tactfully usher you through the process. A third party, like an attorney, can make sure that your soon-to-be-ex spouse doesn’t capitalize on your history together (either intentionally or unintentionally) and will not let you allow your emotions to get the best of you. Having such an advocate can be a very important asset during what is often an emotionally taxing time.

Source: Reuters, “Divorce mistakes you can make by being too nice,” Geoff Williams, June 26, 2012

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Family, friends, religions, recognize new divorce customs

Different cultures and religions around the world are coming up with some interesting ways to help couples seek peace, forgiveness and start a new chapter.

You may have heard of divorce parties with close friends, or maybe a private glass of champagne once the final papers are signed in your divorce lawyer’s office. But what about ending the marriage with as much ceremony as you started it? International customs are changing and growing just as the numbers of divorces are growing.

Here in the U.S. The Unitarian Universalist church has a divorce ceremony they call a “ceremony of hope.” The divorcing couple can apologize and ask one another for forgiveness and blessings in front of friends and family who were also present for the wedding.

In China, it is customary that the divorce papers not be signed in the home, and then the ink and pen used to sign the documents must be thrown away because they may contain bad luck.

In Germany, one bishop has proposed a Mass of Lament where friends and family would gather in church and listed to the couple explain their reasons for divorce.

In a Japanese temple you can write your breakup wishes on a piece of paper and flush them down the toilet. Literally. Their divorce ceremonies also usually involve a buffet meal and a ritualistic smashing of the wedding rings. Japan has actually seen a large increase in divorces after the devastating earthquakes and tsunamis there.

If you live in Wisconsin and are contemplating divorce, it might help if you concentrate on the final goal; the light at the end of the tunnel; your next phase in life. Divorce is always a tough decision to make so let our firm help you with the logistics so you can plan your own Milwaukee divorce celebration party.

Source: Huffington Post, “Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals From Around The World,” July 21, 2012

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Managing your insurance plans after a divorce

Divorce can bring sweeping changes to a person’s life. After the paperwork is finalized, it can seem overwhelming to adjust to changes in home life or in relationships. But it’s important to remember another change that requires attention immediately after divorce: managing separate insurance plans.

Altering health insurance policies is one of the principal changes that must be made following a separation. Often, both spouses are covered under a single policy. After a divorce, spouses should not simply leave their ex on their policy, as this constitutes insurance fraud and could leave your ex unexpectedly uninsured. Recently divorced spouses can apply for coverage on their spouse’s plan under COBRA, but this is only a temporary measure. For long-term coverage, the divorced spouse will need to purchase their own plan.

Life insurance policies may also require attention. Both spouses are usually covered on a single life insurance policy, which is owned by one of the spouses. Only the owner of the policy can make changes to it, such as naming beneficiaries. This means that after the divorce, the other spouse will usually need to purchase their own policy. Insurance payments can be included in divorce settlements; those concerned about maintaining coverage after the divorce may wish to consider this option.

Divorced spouses must also remember to separate their car insurance policies. If both cars were on the same plan before the separation, both spouses will need to purchase a new policy afterwards. Like life insurance, the cost of car insurance can be included in spousal support agreements.

Some spouses may find that their insurance payments go down after a divorce, as they remove their ex-spouses from their policies. Others may find themselves faced with significant monthly payments. Spouses concerned about making those payments may wish to speak to a lawyer about including them in their spousal support agreement. Most importantly, spouses must reassess each policy they control to ensure that they are receiving the proper amount of coverage.

Source: Reuters, “How to untangle your insurance plans in divorce,” Geoff Williams, Sept. 11, 2012

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Baby boomer splits — known as gray divorces — on the rise

Actors Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman recently announced they are parting ways after a 30-year marriage. While the announcement surprised some, research by Bowling Green State University suggests the couple’s split may be part of a growing trend. Over the last 20 years, the divorce rate for couples age 50 and over has increased more than 100 percent. Experts say a number of factors are leading to the increase in these so-called gray divorces.

While older couples divorce for many of the same reasons as younger couples — infidelity, for example — other factors come into play as a couple ages. By the time a couple reaches age 50, their children often are grown. When they no longer have the joint goal of raising a family, a couple may find they no longer share common values and interests. Unlike their parents and grandparents who often married because society expected them to, baby boomers married for personal fulfillment. Once they realize the marriage no longer makes them happy, they are less inclined to stay.

Another factor in gray divorces is the increased economic independence of women over age 50. A woman who has been in the workforce for a number of years has sufficient resources to support herself. She is not afraid to leave an unhappy marriage.

Divorce at any age is difficult. While empty nesters may not have child support and custody issues, property division often is more complicated because of the large number of assets a couple has acquired over time. A high-asset divorce requires valuation of things like business interests, pensions and second homes. An experienced divorce attorney can aid in this process.

Source: CBS This Morning, “‘Gray divorces’ increasing sharply,” Oct. 13, 2012

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The Internet and social media are creating issues in divorces

Are you the type of person who posts every detail of your personal life on Facebook? Do you tweet pictures of yourself engaged in questionable behavior? Do you check in on Foursquare everywhere you go? If so, be careful. What you post on social media sites has the potential to undermine your divorce.

It’s become common for divorce lawyers in Wisconsin and elsewhere to share their clients’ estranged spouses’ Facebook posts in the courtroom. Courts have allowed discovery of people’s private posts to Twitter. Things posted online are traceable and are never permanently deleted. More and more often in divorce, legal issues are created because of one spouse’s social networking activity.

Let’s take a look at how this can happen. A picture of you enjoying a ski vacation can undercut your claim that you unable to work due to disability and therefore need alimony. If there’s an issue of adultery in your divorce, you aren’t helping your case by updating your Facebook status to “in a relationship.” Posts about drinking or drug use or check-ins at adult clubs may bolster your ex-spouse’s claim that you are an unfit parent in a child custody dispute.

The bottom line is to be smart about what you post. Ask yourself if you would mind if the post or picture was projected on a big screen for the entire court room to see. If you haven’t been as discreet as you should have been in your past social networking, make sure to let your divorce attorney know so that any negative effects can be mitigated as much as possible.

Source: The Huffington Post, “Step Away From the Computer: Why Divorce And The Internet Don’t Mix,” Jason Marks, Oct. 15, 2012

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Divorcing couples must consider federal income tax implications

When a Wisconsin couple decide to divorce, most of the legal issues to be resolved will be governed by Wisconsin state law. But there also are federal income tax implications that should not be overlooked. Some advanced planning will be required to ensure that there are no surprises for either ex-spouse at tax time.

The first area of concern relates to the deductibility of alimony payments versus child support payments. If a divorce decree designates a payment as alimony, it is deductible by the person making the payment and taxable to the recipient. With child support payments, however, this is not true. Another issue relates to exemptions for dependents. The parent with child custody for the majority of the year generally is entitled to the exemption but may waive it in favor of the noncustodial parent.

Another consideration is how the timing of a divorce will affect tax filing status. If a divorce is finalized before year-end, each ex-spouse must file their federal income tax returns as unmarried individuals. If a couple wants to avoid the “marriage penalty,” it may be to their benefit to finalize their divorce before the end of the year.

There are other tax implications with respect to property received and then sold in a divorce settlement, the sale of the marital home, benefits in retirement plans or IRAs, and life insurance policies. An experienced divorce attorney can advise as to the tax implications that arise at the end of a marriage. The attorney also can help make sure a divorce settlement accurately reflects the parties’ intentions with respect to tax and other financial matters.

Source: The Willits News, “TAXES & FINANCES: Watch for tax angles in divorce agreements,” Jim Angell, Nov. 7, 2012

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Wisconsin man learns of divorce years after the fact

A Wisconsin man returned home after an absence of many years to learn his wife had divorced him. She also sold the house they owned together even though he never signed papers allowing the sale. The case illustrates the importance of ensuring one’s interests are represented in a family law proceeding.

When the man’s wife filed for divorce, she never personally served him with divorce papers. He had moved out of state and his wife served him by publication only. Then, when he did not appear in court, she was awarded divorce by default. The divorce court awarded the house to the wife, and she sold it with the help of a forged signature on the quit claim deed.

When the man learned what happened, he successfully petitioned the court for a post-divorce modification. The court acknowledged that it did not have authority to transfer property in a default divorce proceeding when the defendant had not been personally served. The court ordered the ex-wife to split the sale proceeds. The man then sued the title company for conspiring with the ex-wife to transfer title to the home by forgery. In 2008, a jury awarded actual and punitive damages to the man. The title company appealed, and on Dec. 4, the Wisconsin Court of Appeals upheld the earlier jury verdict.

In any divorce proceeding, it is important to have qualified legal representation. An experienced family law attorney can advise people about the long-term implications of any decisions and agreements to be made. The attorney also can help ensure property division issues are addressed fairly and in accordance with the law.

Source: State Bar of Wisconsin, “Divorce Court Lacked Jurisdiction to Transfer Property, Title Company Loses,” Joe Forward, Dec. 4, 2012

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Financial tips for women who are divorcing

The month of January tends to see more people filing for divorce than any other time of the year. The timing may be the result of a personal resolution to make a fresh start in the new year. It could be based on practical considerations, such as tax filing status. Whatever the reason, a woman planning to file for divorce in 2013 is well-advised to take some year-end steps to ensure a smooth process.

First, gather your financial documents. The end of the year is a great time to collect year-end bank, credit card and other financial statements. Make copies of these documents and store them in a safe place to avoid the hassle of gathering them later. Be vigilant for discrepancies that could mean your spouse is hiding assets. Also keep a close eye on credit card statements for any suspicious-looking charges, like gifts your husband may be purchasing for another woman. Obtain a copy of your credit report. If it contains any misinformation, correct it. Good credit will be important to your financial future as a single woman.

Next, open bank accounts in your own name, ideally at a different financial institution than where you have joint accounts with your spouse. Also, apply for credit cards in your own name. If you don’t work, new regulatory changes will make it easier for you to obtain credit based on total household income.

Finally, begin to assemble your divorce team. Research divorce professionals who can help you navigate complex legal and financial issues. The cornerstone of your team will be a qualified divorce attorney. The attorney can help you identify the other experts you will need, including a financial planner and even a counselor.

Source: Forbes, “Five Best Financial Tips for Women Divorcing in 2013,” Jeff Landers, Dec. 18, 2012

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Divorce and social media

The rise of social media in people’s daily lives is giving estranged spouses just one more thing to argue about during a divorce proceedings. This is particularly true when children are involved. A mother may not appreciate her ex-husband posting pictures of their children on his online dating profile. A man may take offense to a woman creating a Facebook profile for their unborn child, complete with an ultrasound profile picture. Unless the child is being harmed, each parent generally may handle their child’s social network presence however they deem appropriate. That’s why it’s important to address issues related to the children’s online exposure as part of a child custody agreement.

A blanket rule prohibiting either parent from sharing anything about the children on any social media site likely would be viewed as too restrictive. The reality is social media has become a convenient way to share information and photos of the kids with extended family members, especially those who live far away. But it is appropriate and prudent for a parent to seek some boundaries regarding what is shared about their children and with whom.

First, it is reasonable to request that the custody agreement set some expectations regarding online privacy. For example, the parties could agree that the children’s photos will be shared only with certain people and not be posted publically. Additionally, the agreement might address the types of information that can or cannot be shared. Finally, each parent should be mindful of posting anything that would reflect poorly on their own parental judgment like photos or status updates that could embarrass or upset the child.

If you are concerned about what your ex-spouse is posting about your children, a knowledgeable divorce attorney can assist your efforts to set some parameters.

Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch, “Who gets custody of the Facebook profile info after a divorce?,” Aisha Sultan, Dec. 31, 2012

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Pros and cons of a secret bank account

Perhaps the two most common regrets of Wisconsin women going through divorce are not having been more involved with the family finances during their marriage and not having maintained control of their own money. Keeping a separate, secret bank account may be one way to take a more active role in one’s finances and avoid regrets during divorce. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this approach, however.

On the plus side, it can be empowering, both financially and emotionally, to have one’s own source of funds. A separate account may alleviate some of the loss that a woman may feel about giving up her career and her financial independence to stay home and raise a family. An additional bonus of a separate account is having funds that a spouse cannot access or control, particularly if there is concern that he or she may clean out joint accounts and use underhanded tactics to run up divorce expenses.

On the other hand, it may be considered a breach of trust to maintain a separate, secret account during marriage. The spouse with the secret account could be accused of hiding assets or dissipating marital funds, which could negatively impact his or her credibility in a divorce proceeding. To avoid such accusations, it is important that the fund include only one’s separate property, such as assets held before marriage or inherited. Also, the fund should be disclosed on one’s financial affidavit during the divorce proceedings.

An experienced family law attorney can help answer any questions about what constitutes marital property and what may be deemed one’s separate property. The attorney can also assist in developing an appropriate strategy for the division of marital assets.

Source: Forbes, “Pros And Cons Of Keeping A Secret Fund In Case You Divorce,” Jeff Landers, Feb. 14, 2013

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