If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.
The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.
That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.
According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.
Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.
The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.
Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.
For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.
Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011
Troy Aikman and wife announce separation
Sunday, Troy Aikman did an excellent job calling the Green Bay Packers victory in the Super Bowl on national television. He did such a great job calling one of the greatest Super Bowls ever, viewers may never have guessed that he and his wife had separated just weeks before the game.
On January 25, the NFL hall of fame quarterback confirmed that he and his wife have separated. This separation marks the end of a 10-year marriage between the former Dallas Cowboys star and his wife, Rhonda.
Aikman confirmed the separation in an interview with the Dallas Morning News, where he emphasized that it has been a very difficult decision and that he respectfully asks for privacy at this time. He also stated that he and his wife are still deeply committed to their children – they have two daughters together as well as another daughter from Rhonda’s previous marriage.
Aikman and Rhonda Worthey were married on April 8, 2000 in Plano, Texas. While the family had been residing in Highland Park, Texas, property records indicate that Rhonda purchased a five-bedroom estate in Preston Hollow in November, which may signify that the couple had been having problems for some time. In order to keep the details of their divorce confidential, Aikman or Rhonda may ask the court to seal the file or issue a confidentiality order.
During Aikman’s football career, he was considered by Texas Monthly to be “the most eligible bachelor” in the NFL since Joe Namath. He and Rhonda met while she was working as a Dallas Cowboys publicity employee and he was in his final season as an NFL quarterback. Aikman has said he does not necessarily enjoy the life of a bachelor and that he would “rather be married with four kids.”
Source: Yahoo Sports, “Aikman confirms split with wife of 10 years,” Chris Chase, 1/26/2011
Recession linked to marital hardships, says UVA study
Many American families are dealing with the worst economic circumstances in their lifetimes. Our experience as family law attorneys has taught us that tough financial times can create stress in a marriage, and financial stress can both magnify existing problems and create new problems in a marriage. A recent scientific study seems to confirm this phenomenon.
According to the study recently conducted by the University of Virginia, the ongoing recession in the Unites States has created significant strains on marriages, especially the marriages of individuals and couples who do not have college degrees. The Survey of Marital Generosity, a component of the UVA Marriage Project, indicated that 29 percent of couples experienced stress on their marriages resulting from financial difficulties.
In addition, approximately 33 percent of the couples that responded to the survey said that the economic downturn caused them to resolve to save their marriages. About 52 percent of this group said their marriage was “very happy,” while 25 percent did not think that the recession was a reason for the strengthening marriages.
Nearly 1,200 Americans between the ages of 18 and 45 were surveyed as part of the UVA Marriage Project. Couples in which neither partner had a college degree were among the most likely to experience economic hardships. Over a third of the participants claimed that they frequently worried about paying their next set of bills, while 12 percent said that they had either had their homes foreclosed or experienced significant struggles in paying their mortgage bills.
Source: The Washington Post, “Study shows recession has weighed heavily on American marriages,” Annys Shin, 2/7/2011
Researchers study the impact divorce has on quality of life
As divorce is becoming more common, the effects it can have on a person’s quality of life are becoming better understood. According to a recent study performed by the National Council of Family Relations, over half of all marriages end in divorce. That same study also found that there were 2 million divorces in 2009 across the United States.
The study also showed that the probability of a divorce increases as a marriage gets longer, as well as after a previous divorce. Only 20 percent of marriages fail within the first five years when both parties have not been previously married. This figure increases to 33 percent after 10 years. Statistics are far more pronounced for people on their third marriage. These types of marriages have a 73 percent divorce rate.
According to another study performed by Marie Claire magazine, the quality of life for a woman who has recently gone through a divorce drops by 45 percent. The study asserts that women take more damage during a divorce than their male counterparts, due to the challenges of managing a new life with less money, additional childcare responsibilities and the difficulty of returning to dating.
Yet another study performed by the Institute of Social and Behavioral Research at Iowa State University indicated that divorce might have long-term effects on a woman’s health. Physical illnesses were found in 37% more divorced women a decade after the divorce than in married women. In addition, lingering mental illnesses may occur immediately following the divorce. Iowa State researchers pointed to relatively meager job opportunities and social isolation as two of the primary reasons for long-term mental and physical illnesses.
Fortunately, many marriage experts believe that most women make major improvements only 10 weeks after a divorce, despite the immediate financial and emotional hardships. There is no doubt that divorce can be a very stressful experience. Careful planning and preparation are required to minimize the potential adverse effects of a divorce. Fortunately, people going through divorce do not have to go through the process alone. Experienced divorce attorneys are available to help.
Source: ABC News, “Women Take Biggest Hit in Divorce, Say Experts,” Susan Donaldson James, 2/4/2011
Study reveals fighting style, not fighting itself, may lead to divorce
Many people assume that screaming, throwing things and other explosive fighting styles are most likely to lead to divorce. A study recently conducted by the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor indicates that there are other fighting styles that are far more likely to lead to divorce.
The study, which was conducted over the course of 16 years, followed 373 couples and started with each couple’s first year of marriage in order to determine how various fighting styles influenced the chance of divorce. In addition, the study found crucial differences in the fighting styles of men and women.
According to the study, explosive fights with screaming and tossed objects are actually less likely to lead to eventual divorce than fights in which one partner attempts to calmly analyze the situation and the other partner quickly withdraws. This fighting pattern is dangerous, says the study, because the withdrawal signifies a lack of interest or investment in the marriage to the more analytical partner.
The lowest divorce rates were found in those couples that both used an analytical, objective attitude during fights. Further, the study showed that men typically use more constructive methods during fights as compared to women. However, women were found to use increasingly constructive methods over the course of a marriage, while men’s fighting styles largely remained the same throughout.
Interestingly, the study also found that approximately 21% of wives and 29% of husbands reported a total absence of fighting during the first year of marriage. However, 46 percent of these couples had divorced by the 16th year of the study and fighting in the first year did not affect the likelihood of divorce.
Source: Kansas City Star, “Study: It’s your fight style, not the fight, that may lead to divorce,” Amber DiNenna, 1/28/2011
Marital stress often peaks after three years
According to a recent British study, couples reach peak stress levels in their relationship after three years.
The study was commissioned by Warner Brothers in an effort to promote the comedy “Hall Pass” that was recently released in UK movie theaters. It surveyed approximately 2,000 adults in monogamous relationships. Despite the survey’s purpose to drum up publicity for a film, it has some pertinent findings for married people who are contemplating divorce.
Many of the adults who participated in the study felt that their relationships became more stressful once they had been with their partner for three years. The stress associated with these three-year relationships has allegedly led to an increase in “solo holidays” among survey respondents. These holidays are considered to be time off that one partner gives to another, allowing them to take a vacation without their partner and potentially keep the romance alive in their relationship.
Judi James, who supervised the survey, stated that longer work hours and financial troubles were taking their tolls on those involved in long-term relationships. James believes that these stresses are the reason behind the solo holiday trend.
The study suggests that romance is replaced by everyday activities as our relationships progress. Over 65 percent of those surveyed stated that small irritations during the beginning of a relationship often become serious annoyances after three years in a relationship. Examples cited by the study range from minor annoyances to some of the most common causes of divorce. Examples ranged from leaving toenail clippings on the bathroom floor and weight gain to excessive drinking and irresponsible money management.
Source: Reuters, “The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch,” 3/9/2011
Common financial mistakes to avoid in divorce
Divorce can drastically affect an individual’s financial circumstances if they fail to take precautionary measures.
Divorce is a deeply personal issue, but using the divorce as a means towards getting revenge can complicate the divorce and be counterproductive. As hard as it may be, experts recommend that couples going through a divorce keep their personal issues with one another out of the negotiations.
Joint credit accounts can pose a major problem after a divorce. According to certified public accountant Jerry Cohen, couples going through a divorce should not maintain joint credit. Cohen recommends closing any shared credit cards in order to prevent a spouse for becoming responsible if their ex fails to make a payment or accrues a large amount of debt.
If possible, all shared credits cards should be paid in full and closed prior to finalizing the divorce. If full payment is not an option, the balances should be transferred to one spouse and the other spouse’s name should be taken off the account.
Couples going through a divorce should not overestimate the persuasive power of a divorce decree. While a divorce decree states that one person must pay off the balance of a previously shared credit card, a credit card company can still hold the other person liable for that balance if the other spouse does not pay. This is because credit card companies are not a part of divorce decrees and will hold all borrowers responsible regardless of marital status. It is generally a good idea to check on joint accounts by running a credit report, which will tend to detect any anomalies and give you a chance to take action before you are exposed to any liability.
Cohen also recommends working with a financial planner to determine what your budget should be after the end of your marriage. Knowing the amount of money that you need in order to live comfortably will help you negotiate properly to ensure future financial security.
Source: Fox Business, “6 Financial Mistakes to Avoid in Divorce,” Teresa Bitler, 3/21/2011
Divorce rates expected to rise during economic recovery
An increase in the rate of divorce in Wisconsin and across the United States may be directly related to a rebound in the economy, according to recent statistical studies and family law attorneys who are now seeing more couples choose to end marriages. During the recession, the overall number of divorces dropped dramatically nationwide. Now that financial conditions have begun improving and stabilizing, more married partners are calling it quits.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) says America, with the world’s highest rate-of-divorce, saw far fewer legal split-ups during the recession years. In 2008, divorces dropped 24 percent. In 2009, divorces were down 57 percent. This is not an unusual pattern, according to the AAML, which said bad economic times traditionally make couples less certain about major changes.
The recession has affected the rate of marriage as well as the rate of divorce. Fewer recession-affected couples choose to marry, have children and break up. A Pew Research poll, taken at the tail end of 2009, found that couples, younger than 35 years of age, decided to wait for better times to get married. Some 15 percent opted to stay engaged a little longer rather than wed and 14 percent held off adding a new child to their families. In addition, many couples who wished to end a marriage decided to stick it out a little longer for financial reasons.
Many couples, who thought about breaking up during the financial downturn, hesitated to separate because of worries over how the economic crisis would affect the division of marital assets. The costs associated with divorcing, including finding separate residences, and falling property values, caused a reluctance to split up.
Source: AFP, “Rising US divorce rate signals economic recovery,” Virginie Montet, 4/29/2011
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announce separation
Two weeks after their 25th wedding anniversary and four months after Arnold Schwarzenegger end his term as the Governator, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that they are separating.
In their statement, they characterized their separation as amicable and did not mention whether they were filing for divorce. They noted that this was a time of personal and professional transition and arrived at the decision to separate together. Many commentators believe that the split between Schwarzenegger and Shriver represents a growing trend of long-term marriages ending in divorce in the baby boom generation.
Many baby boomers with adult children and children in their late teenage years are beginning to explore divorce as an option. According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 66 percent of baby boomers reported being less than enthusiastic about staying in an unhappy marriage.
Shriver and Schwarzenegger have four children ages 14, 18, 20, and 21. They indicated that they plan to continue parenting their children together.
Important changes in a person’s life can contribute to stress on a marriage and it has indeed been a time of transition for Schwarzenegger and Shriver. Maria Shriver has had to deal with personal loss over the last year. Her mother died in August 2010 and her uncle, Senator Edward Kennedy died just weeks later. In January, her father died after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease.
Now that Schwarzenegger has left the Governor’s office after nearly eight years, he has returned to his acting career and has reportedly signed on to appear in another sequel to the “Terminator” move franchise.
Sources: CNN, “Baby boomer breakups and the search for a perfect union,” Amy Wilson, 5/11/2011
CNN, “Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver split,” Alan Duke, 5/10/2011
ABC, “Maria Shriver Bore Grief Over Family Deaths, Alleged Affairs,” 5/10/2011
Concerned that your divorce could negatively affect your children’s social skills?
If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.
The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.
That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.
According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.
Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.
The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.
Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.
For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.
Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011
Wisconsin study suggests collaborative divorce on the wane
Not so long ago, collaborative divorce looked like it was the cutting edge of family law. The process was supposed to be less adversarial, less expensive and less difficult than traditional divorce. But now a report out of Wisconsin seems to indicate enthusiasm for the process has withered.
After sampling two years’ worth of Waukesha County divorce data, researcher Gregg Herman found collaborative divorce proceedings were actually on the decline in the study area.
Herman’s research found that the number of collaborative cases declined from 25 cases per year to 17.5. That’s a decrease from 2 percent of Waukesha County divorces to 1.4 percent of divorce cases. Also, the failure rate – or rate at which the collaborative divorce process did not meet the parties’ needs and expectations – went “way up” from 11 to 17.5 percent.
The research doesn’t point to a definitive answer for the decline, but Herman suggests one possibility could be that a weak economy may mean people are putting off divorce because they cannot afford it.
Herman cautions that collaborative divorce was never intended for everyone. It does not work well in cases of domestic violence, substance abuse, alcoholism or instances in which one spouse is trying to hide assets. The system also has its critics, who say it over-emphasizes cooperation and minimizes the zealous advocacy that people need to make sure they reach a realistic and just outcome.
If you are considering divorce, it is a good idea to think carefully about what option is best for you. Collaborative divorce may be a good option for some people, but it does not work for everyone and the study suggests that, locally at least, its utility isn’t living up to the hype.
Source:
•· The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, “Collaborative Divorce on the decline?” Bruce Vilmetti, 9 June 2011.
•· Wisconsin Law Journal