A divorce is difficult for all involved, but when you have children still in the home it’s important to play an active role in helping them understand what is happening, why it is happening, and how it will affect them. This process is very traumatic for kids, and studies have shown that it can even affect their school performance, so you and your soon-to-be ex need to be proactive in helping them.
Parenting experts have some tips for helping children deal with divorce that we would like to share with you. First, you need to explain what is happening. Sit down with your kids, together if possible, in a quiet media-free environment. Calmly, tell them that you are going to be divorcing. Do this during a time when there will not be additional stress, such as when your child is missing out on an activity or staying up way past bedtime.
If you and your spouse must discuss the situation with your child apart from one another, collaborate beforehand to set the story straight. Even if you are bitterly angry at one another, you need to give your child the exact same story. Discrepancy will just confuse your kids and make the emotional trauma more painful.
Assure your kids that the divorce is in no way their fault, and then explain what it means for them. Be practical and answer the questions they will have, such as where they will live and when they will see the other parent. Be honest, but assure them that you love them no matter what and that they will have everything they need. Finally, do not talk negatively about your spouse, even if you feel like it. Remember, they will be your child’s parent for the rest of his or her life, so it is not your job to discredit your soon-to-be ex in front of your kids.
Experienced family law attorneys understand that both spouses’ actions leading up to and during a divorce can be considered by a Wisconsin judge when making divorce rulings on important issues, including child custody and child support. When facing a divorce, a cooperative and proactive approach is often looked upon favorably by family court judges.
Source: ABC Action News, “Parents in action: How to help your children cope with your divorce,” Angela Ardolino, 6/2/2011
